How Long Should You Keep a Man in Chastity for the First Time?
The first time a man is in chastity is, for him, an emotionally tumultuous time we women should be understanding of. But this isn’t to say we should be merciful or kind. In fact, you’re going to be surprised to discover it’s actually SO important to give him more than he wants…
Three Secrets to a Man’s First Time In Chastity
- Make sure he understands before chastity begins that this is for real. OK, it is a game, but he must understand if he wants you to play it with him, then he has to play by your rules.
- Make sure he’s safe and the device is not causing him physical injury. This is why it’s a good idea to get him acclimatised to the device on his own terms and in his own time. Simply tell him, “take as long as you like to get used to it, because I don’t want those keys until I know I can keep you in strict orgasm denial for as long as I feel I want to – even if it’s months“.
- Be understanding of his needs, discomfort and frustration. But don’t take responsibility for them. You are, after all, giving him what he asked you for and has walked into this with his eyes open. I can tell you without any fear of being wrong, if you are ‘kind’ and give him the relief he’s telling you he now wants, afterwards, he will say you should have been stricter with him. It happens this way every time, so DO NOT give in because he won’t thank you for it!
- Double the time he has asked for. Meaning, if he’s told you he wants to experience a month of orgasm denial, then refuse to play unless he accepts two months. The reason for this is NOT just so you can be a bitch. Male chastity is hard work for a woman, too, and men will always think of something they know is within their capabilities. But the point of male chastity is, in part, giving the man that hot, desperate feeling of needing to orgasm and the best way to do that is to demand something beyond what he thinks he can stand. I personally think now if a woman is starting a new relationship with a man, she could do worse than to insist he is never allowed to orgasm with her, except the once, so he forever knows what he’s missing.
I do understand if you think all of the above is quite harsh and Draconian – both men and women on first reading might think it’s too much.
But you have to remember a lot of men really do want this, and in giving it to them, we are giving them what they want; what’s more, we also get many, many benefits from it ourselves – benefits we wouldn’t experience if we were too soft and lenient with them.
Let me share something with you, something very personal. When my husband, John, and I started with male chastity, I wasn’t too sure about it. And the first few times we went a few weeks, maybe a month — I can’t remember exactly.
But then, before we knew it… we were up to 3 months, and then aiming for a whole year, which is where we are now. But with what we’ve learned we’ve both decided after this year (and maybe even before, because I have yet to make my mind up) his orgasm denial will be permanent. We’ve discovered strict and properly enforced Tease and Denial as well as other things he can do for me make his orgasm unnecessary.
Now, not everyone will want permanent orgasm denial, but it does show you what’s possible if you want something and are open minded enough to give things a try.