Ten Good Reasons To Own A Santa Suit
1 – You become the superhero. You do not need to be a member of the NFL or the NBA to have kids look up at you with saucer-eyed awe, simply stroll in in your Santa suit! And chances are you will not be asked for an autograph and can ask a small photography fee from the parents without seeming like another stuck up celebrity.
2 – Chicks dig Santa. He's the ultimate father figure slash sugar daddy. There are even chicks with a Santa fetish. No, really.
3 – The Heardest-Hearted State Trooper will look for ways to not give you a ticket. Not a sure guarantee, but if you do not break character, you stand a chance of getting off with a warning. Otherwise, Officer Friendly may have some explanation to do to his 8-year-old when he gets home as to why he busted Santa for going 40 in a 25.
4 – Santa gets stuff for free. At owner operated restaurants for example, your food will sometimes be comped. Not every time, but once in a while. It does not make for a better income, but it does sweeten the pot. Do not bother with chain stores, they are too sophisticated to care.
5 – You get to go to a local Santacon. Check into Santachy.com – there are a group of yahoos that get together in various cities as Santa, have a pub crawl and sing songs in between stops. These songs are usually alcohol-themed rewordings of more widely known carols, and sung more loudly and off key as the evening progresses. By all reports, it is a good way to have the wrong kind of fun.
6. Santa gets in the paper. Especially on a slow newsday. You're like bigfoot, only instead of a Sasquatch sighting in farmer Schneider's soy field along the swamp, its a Santa sighting at the 7-11 along route 319.
7 – No one screws with Santa. It is not in anyone's best interest to alienate the giver of gifts. Even teenagers that might take a poke at Barney the purple dinosaur give Santa some street cred.
8. Santa gets away with telling dirty jokes. Enough said.
9 – The stomach makes for good storage, be it your own popcorn smuggled into the movies or a bottle of ripple to ward off the chill, you've got a place to put it. Santa does not get patted down. Except for airport security check points, where wearing a Santa Suit may get you wrestled to the ground.
10 – It's fun. Think of it as Halloween, part II. You dress up like someone you are not, and get to be in ways that would get you ostracized elsewhere. "Hey lady, let me put your kids in my lap" or "I have been watching you and keeping a written list" are not statements known to warm the hearts of complete strangers.